In Her Eyes
by CG Anna Marie
Summary: Severus Snape's last thoughts and feelings in his final hour, of his life, his regrets...and of Lily. One shot. SPOILERS: Deathly Hallows excerpts!


_**Disclaimer:**_ Harry Potter™ belongs to J.K. Rowling, and the following story has excerpts from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, chapter 32, "The Elder Wand", pages 652-658 U.S. version.

_**Author's Note**_: This popped into my head when I was re-reading the last Harry Potter book (*sniffles*) and got to the point when Harry, Hermione, and Ron sneak into the Shrieking Shack and witness Snape's death. Anyway, I thought about how horribly sad it must have been for Severus to end up like that, and I was a little disappointed with the way it ended, so I felt I must write out what Severus Snape must have been feeling and thinking in his final hour.

So without further ado, and much depression, here is my version of Severus Snape's final thoughts.

**Warnings**: **SPOILERS** for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows! Don't read and say I didn't warn you!

I watched the brightly colored flashes of the curses and spells from a safe distance. Along with the roars of the giants, the thunder of the debris falling from the once majestic castle, and the screams, one might have confused the battle with a grand show of fireworks setting off in the horizon.

The Dark Lord has summoned me.

I knew that it was the end for me. I was no fool… but perhaps I was. I had hoped, planned to thwart his plans, but alas…

I scanned the battle field, not really looking for anything. Perhaps I thought I might see that infernal Potter boy, and be able to pass on my final inside information that was so vital to the outcome of this war…

But of course, I saw him not.

I had to go, for the Dark Lord did not like to be kept waiting.

I turned away and began my journey towards my certain death.

I made my way through the woods to the Shrieking Shack, which brought so many memories, back to my school days, back to those blasted, selfish, prideful Mauraders, back to _her…_

Ever since I had first laid eyes on Lily Evans, I had loved her. Her rich hair the color of roses, the vibrant, laughing, beautiful green of her eyes; the very same eyes her ungrateful son received…

Ever since that infuriating reincarnation of James Potter came to school, I could not look at him without seeing his father's gloating face, knowing that I had lost my only chance at happiness.

I suppose that perhaps it was fate that Lily and I were never meant to be. It's too late to dwell on what could have happened, what _should_ have happened.

I made a pact with Dumbledore, that I should protect Lily's own flesh and blood, a remaining living piece of her, while keeping my heart, my truth, a secret from the rest of the world.

It was easy, to keep what I truly meant, truly felt, inside and hidden, since I had lived my whole life in secrecy and deceit, and had lost the most important thing to me because of it.

As I entered the Shack, I realized that perhaps I could still protect Lily's sacrifice from the Dark Lord's clutches.

Yes…it was a long shot, but it was worth a try.

I entered the room in which the Dark Lord took up residence. I silently cast the Legilimecy spell on me, to seal my true thoughts from the Dark Lord, and made an effort to concentrate on one thing, which was the Dark Lord.

He turned towards me, and again I felt that ever piercing glare delve deep into my consciousness, probing, monitoring my deceitful thoughts, seeing only what I wanted him to see, though he did not know it.

He was about to speak, but I decided to take a chance, as I knew I had so few left.

"My lord, why not let me join the battle? I could retrieve the boy and bring him to you?"

I waited with bated breath, but I received no punishment for my impudence.

"There is no need for that, "he replied silkily.

I could not give up.

"But sire, what if one of ours attacks him on accident? My lord, the resistance is crumbling-"

"And it is doing so without your help," He interrupted. " Skilled wizard though you are, Severus, I do not think you will make much difference now. We are almost there….almost."

One more try.

"Let me find you the boy. Let me bring you Potter. I know I can find him, my Lord. Please."

I swallowed hard, hoping against hope that perhaps the Dark Lord would somehow agree. It was a foolish hope, but then I was no stranger to foolish hopes…

Lord Voldemort stood up, facing away from me.

"I have a problem, Severus."

I was confused at first. "My lord?"

I watched him raise the Elder Wand, Dumbledore's wand, watched him as he gazed at it.

"Why doesn't it work for me, Severus?"

My heart began to race. I was unsure where he was going, but I knew that it wasn't going anywhere good.

"My-my Lord?" Damn. I mustn't show any weakness. "I do not understand. You-you have performed extraordinary magic with that wand."

"No," he replied, "I have performed my usual magic. I am extraordinary, but this wand… no. It has not revealed the wonders it has promised. I feel no difference between this wand and the one I procured from Ollivander all those years ago."

He was calm, but I could feel the tension in the air rising.

"No difference." He was angry, most likely becoming ever more furious by the second. I was running out of time. My mind raced for the words to somehow redirect the Dark Lord's anger, as futile as it was.

He spoke before I could. "I have thought long and hard, Severus…Do you know why I have called you back from the battle?" A cold, tingling sensation began to creep up my spine…the knowledge was at the very edge of my mind, but I could not grasp it; but I knew one thing was for certain-it held the end for me.

I had to keep trying.

"No, my Lord, but I beg you will let me return. Let me find Potter." I _must_ pass on Dumbledore's final piece of information.

The Dark Lord was speaking, responding, but my mind could not comprehend what he was saying. I continued to plea, until finally-

"_I have told you, no!"_ The flash of red hot anger in his eyes when he spun around to face me silenced me.

"My concern at the moment, Severus, is what will happen when I finally meet the boy!" My mind went temporarily blank. Surely the Dark Lord is not afraid that the Potter boy outstrips in magical prowess? Is that what Dumbledore refused to tell me?

"My lord, there can be no question, surely-?"

"-but there _is _a question, Severus. There is."

I watched as he gazed at the Elder Wand.

"Why did both the wands I have used fail when directed at Harry Potter?"

"I-I cannot answer that, my Lord."

"Can't you?" I could feel the barely controlled rage hiding underneath those words. He continued to speak, but my ears began to ring and there was a curious buzzing sound in my head. Suddenly, it all cleared when he said,

"…I took it from the grave of Albus Dumbledore."

And then I knew. The answer was so clear, so obvious it insulted me that it took me this long to realize it. I was a fool. I was mere seconds from certain death, and I had failed in my task to pass on my last bit of knowledge to Potter.

I had failed so many times before…in showing Lily my love, in trying to make her mine, and when that failed…I failed again in keeping her and her son safe. With a record like that, one would think I would be used to such failures.

I vaguely remember protesting, trying to give my last futile efforts in swaying the Dark Lord's mind. Of course, it did not work.

"The Elder Wand cannot serve me properly, Severus, because I am not its true master. The Elder Wand belongs to the wizard killed its last owner. _You_ killed Albus Dumbledore." The reminder stung me in both shame and indignation. _He was already dying! _But I could not give that piece of knowledge away, no matter how useless.

"While you live, Severus, the Elder Wand cannot be truly mine."

"My Lord!" I protested, raising my wand. Perhaps if we merely dueled, he could disarm me of my wand…but no. The Dark Lord did not work in such peaceful ways. _If he did, my Lily would still be alive._

If…if…so many "what-ifs" in this world. Enough to drive one mad…

"It cannot be any other way," He said, though we both knew it was a lie, "I must master the wand, Severus. Master the wand, and I master Potter at last." He waved his wand at me, but the green flash did not come. Perhaps it did, and I was already dead? Movement out of the corner of my eye caught my attention and suddenly I knew my death would not be as quick and easy as he would allow.

Nagini, in her floating cage, struck me before I had a chance to fight back. I felt no pain, probably from the shock, but I felt the heavy pressure from the snake's jaws around my throat, felt the blood stream down onto my clothes. I don't remember falling to the ground, but the next thing I knew I was lying on the floor, grasping at my neck, trying in vain to staunch the bleeding, holding on to life with some hopeless idea that I might still be able to…

Wait. What was that noise? No…no it couldn't be! I watched as Lily's son appeared out of thin air. Stupid boy! Even with that ridiculous invisibility cloak, the Dark Lord had only just left…he was far too close to danger! But I knew I had but one chance and could not waste it.

I grabbed at his robes, and gathered all my strength.

"Take….it….Take….it…" I would have cried had I the energy, bringing all those memories to the surface, forcing them out of me…all those memories of _her_…

Knowing that there was one living piece of her in this world was what kept me going. Dumbledore had taught me to realize that. I hated that her boy had everything in common with his moronic father…everything…except her eyes.

I loved those beautiful green eyes of hers. Every time I saw her son, I had such mixed emotions; hate, resentment, regret…all of that disappeared for a moment every single time I looked into her son's eyes… and saw her own. Her eyes reminded me of what we had, what we could have had, and what was taken away from me…

I watched him lift my memories into a flask, probably conjured by the Granger girl who was surely with him. My task was complete. Finally, my duty was fulfilled…and I had but one request.

I failed in loving her, protecting her…but I did not fail in passing on the knowledge that would save the world her son lived in, and, knowing Dumbledore, would save her son as well. I had been selfish, cruel, and deceitful for as long as I can remember, in retaliation to the dark whole that was my life. When Lily was murdered, a part of me died with her, and I had to keep living for her son, and use my talents to protect him… for her sake. In my dying moments, I wanted to selfishly ask of just… one more thing…

I loved Lily, more than that blasted James Potter could ever even hope to love her. But she was not for me…however, if just in my last moments in life…if I could see her one more time, to have her look at me with those eyes once more…

My life was slipping away, and my strength was leaving me, but I hoped that her son shared her compassion as well.

"Look…at…me…"

I do not know if I was speaking to her son…or to her…but indeed, those eyes, so much like her own that I was not sure whose eyes I was seeing, met mine.

As I finally joined that dark beyond, the last thing I saw were those green eyes…Her beautiful, beloved emerald eyes. Everything I was, everything I had done, and all in her name…were reflected in her eyes.

A/N: Thank you for reading! If you're confused as to how I managed to write in Severus's point of view, well, the best I can justify writing it that way is to point out that there are ghosts in the world of Harry Potter, right? So this is totally legit. XD

I tried to keep it in character, while showing how much he loved Lily. Notice how he never referred to Harry by his name? Only by "her son", which I hoped would convey that he only thought of him in terms of being a part of Lily.

Please let me know what you think! Thanks again!


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